crisis, shmisis. let's have a baby!
Last Sunday, John and I started officially telling people that we're expecting a new addition. Usually, when I say things like that, it means that we have a new game system, such as our much-loved yet under-used Wii, or a fantastic toy, like the vintage tie fighter I gave John for his birthday a couple years back. But no. Now that we can't really afford to buy a new game system or a vintage Star Wars thing, we're having a baby! Because they're like, cheap, right?
While we never had any stupid misconceptions such as that, we have already made the first payment on said baby. It sounds ridiculous when I say it like that. We're not buying the baby...we're just buying the chance to have it "get born" in an actual hospital with actual doctors and nurses. My understanding of how health insurance works, no matter how many times various people have tried to explain it to me, is about as extensive as my knowledge of the history of Laos. (I know nothing.) So when John and I got this letter about how much it costs to have the baby, we both read it completely backwards. We're off to a smashing start! What we thought the letter was saying the insurance company was going to pay was actually what WE are responsible for paying. Ha!
I'm paranoid about what things can go wrong during a pregnancy. Not to the point where I'm worried or lose sleep, but I do think about these things. And it feels more than a little like a jinx to start paying for the birth when I'm only in week 14. Of 40.
Nevertheless, I'm excited. John and I kept waiting for a good time to have a baby. Well, that time was nowhere in sight, so, we're having a baby in the middle of a global economic crisis. I opened a business in the middle of a "downturn" which turned into a global economic crisis. And I understand all of it about as much as I understand insurance.
I'm not especially worried about the store or the baby. I want the store to be a success, I really do, but...if it doesn't work, it just doesn't. Since the move, our sales have improved greatly and I'm optimistic. But I'm also realistic. If things go south, as they sometimes do with young start-ups, then we'll deal. I have this view of the store like it's someone I like but don't trust to be there for me when I'm in need. I'm not worried about becoming a mom, even though I'm not especially maternal or even all that patient. Nothing annoys me more than women who already have kids giving me the "wait till it's your turn" speech, which is always accompanied by a condenscending smile or laugh that makes me want to slap their dumb little mommy faces. Well, soon it will be my turn. And I watch women with their kids all the time now. Every time a woman brings kids into the store, I watch. I look at the things she says and does and how the kids respond and what things, if I did or said them, would I be proud of or embarrassed by if I could watch myself as a detached third party. Some are horrifying, some are awe-inspiring.
For a while, I wasn't sure if we would end up having kids. I had this weird thing with cysts in my ovaries that scared me to death. Then, even when that was being cleared up, I started to wonder if being a mom was actually something I wanted to do. John and I have been married for 5 years now and they've been 5 fantastic years. We've travelled and had weird/cool jobs and awful jobs and bad apartments and big adventures from coast to coast. My life has been full and satisfying. But then sometimes I'd think about how life could be even more full and even more satisfying. In LA, we used to go to the zoo a lot and John and I would just hang out and he'd draw the animals. It wasn't hard to imagine having a little person with us that we could talk about the animals to and explain things, like how the cassowary is so obviously a dinosaur. Sometimes I think about what our home life might be like, reading books and coloring and covering pinecones with glue and glitter, but mostly I think about the places I want to go. The day trips to the zoo or ice skating at the SportsPlex and feeding the ducks in Centennial Park. I like babies, and I'm already totally in love with mine, but it's the pre-school and early elementary school years I look forward to most. I'm sure rocking a baby is just grand and fantastic for bonding, but I want the kid to talk to me. I'm not impatient. I'll enjoy the process, the way there. Right now, I'd just be happy to feel a kick to justify how often I have to get up in the night to pee.
John's family is over the moon and so sweet. Several of John's cousins on both sides of his family have really young kids and two of Mickey's stepdaughters have kids under 2, so it'll be really fun to see them all grow up together. When John made the announcement at church last Sunday, the whole place errupted. It was very surprising and kinda spectacular. I thought maybe people would go "aww" for a second and that would be that, but everyone gasped and clapped. We're the first of all our TN friends to have a kid and they're all excited and even a couple of their parents are excited. The kid is going to have a huge family, spread out all over the country, from my friend Anna in Florida to all mom's peeps on the west coast and several states in between. So, yeah, I'm excited. And not very worried.
While we never had any stupid misconceptions such as that, we have already made the first payment on said baby. It sounds ridiculous when I say it like that. We're not buying the baby...we're just buying the chance to have it "get born" in an actual hospital with actual doctors and nurses. My understanding of how health insurance works, no matter how many times various people have tried to explain it to me, is about as extensive as my knowledge of the history of Laos. (I know nothing.) So when John and I got this letter about how much it costs to have the baby, we both read it completely backwards. We're off to a smashing start! What we thought the letter was saying the insurance company was going to pay was actually what WE are responsible for paying. Ha!
I'm paranoid about what things can go wrong during a pregnancy. Not to the point where I'm worried or lose sleep, but I do think about these things. And it feels more than a little like a jinx to start paying for the birth when I'm only in week 14. Of 40.
Nevertheless, I'm excited. John and I kept waiting for a good time to have a baby. Well, that time was nowhere in sight, so, we're having a baby in the middle of a global economic crisis. I opened a business in the middle of a "downturn" which turned into a global economic crisis. And I understand all of it about as much as I understand insurance.
I'm not especially worried about the store or the baby. I want the store to be a success, I really do, but...if it doesn't work, it just doesn't. Since the move, our sales have improved greatly and I'm optimistic. But I'm also realistic. If things go south, as they sometimes do with young start-ups, then we'll deal. I have this view of the store like it's someone I like but don't trust to be there for me when I'm in need. I'm not worried about becoming a mom, even though I'm not especially maternal or even all that patient. Nothing annoys me more than women who already have kids giving me the "wait till it's your turn" speech, which is always accompanied by a condenscending smile or laugh that makes me want to slap their dumb little mommy faces. Well, soon it will be my turn. And I watch women with their kids all the time now. Every time a woman brings kids into the store, I watch. I look at the things she says and does and how the kids respond and what things, if I did or said them, would I be proud of or embarrassed by if I could watch myself as a detached third party. Some are horrifying, some are awe-inspiring.
For a while, I wasn't sure if we would end up having kids. I had this weird thing with cysts in my ovaries that scared me to death. Then, even when that was being cleared up, I started to wonder if being a mom was actually something I wanted to do. John and I have been married for 5 years now and they've been 5 fantastic years. We've travelled and had weird/cool jobs and awful jobs and bad apartments and big adventures from coast to coast. My life has been full and satisfying. But then sometimes I'd think about how life could be even more full and even more satisfying. In LA, we used to go to the zoo a lot and John and I would just hang out and he'd draw the animals. It wasn't hard to imagine having a little person with us that we could talk about the animals to and explain things, like how the cassowary is so obviously a dinosaur. Sometimes I think about what our home life might be like, reading books and coloring and covering pinecones with glue and glitter, but mostly I think about the places I want to go. The day trips to the zoo or ice skating at the SportsPlex and feeding the ducks in Centennial Park. I like babies, and I'm already totally in love with mine, but it's the pre-school and early elementary school years I look forward to most. I'm sure rocking a baby is just grand and fantastic for bonding, but I want the kid to talk to me. I'm not impatient. I'll enjoy the process, the way there. Right now, I'd just be happy to feel a kick to justify how often I have to get up in the night to pee.
John's family is over the moon and so sweet. Several of John's cousins on both sides of his family have really young kids and two of Mickey's stepdaughters have kids under 2, so it'll be really fun to see them all grow up together. When John made the announcement at church last Sunday, the whole place errupted. It was very surprising and kinda spectacular. I thought maybe people would go "aww" for a second and that would be that, but everyone gasped and clapped. We're the first of all our TN friends to have a kid and they're all excited and even a couple of their parents are excited. The kid is going to have a huge family, spread out all over the country, from my friend Anna in Florida to all mom's peeps on the west coast and several states in between. So, yeah, I'm excited. And not very worried.
