blue christmas.

My primary email account is with Hotmail. MSN is big on superfluous links. On everything. For every action, you're met with four links to various articles on various pages in the MSN neighborhood of websites. Send an email, get a "sent message" page with links to job interview tips, celebrity gossip, and, the most popular, 15 ways to "pop the question." Lately, my email account seems to constantly be asking me, after every move I make, if the holiday season is getting me down. (Example.)

And the truth is, yes, the holiday season is getting me down. But let's be fair: the end of a roll of paper towels gets me down. Setting out to depress me is an easy task. And embarking on a season embedded with idyllic childhood memories and half-memories mixed with bits and pieces of made-for-TV Christmas movies is sort of like riding Pirates of the Caribbean: a couple of swift plunges followed by a long, damp tunnel, at the end of which is a colorful good time, but I don't really snap out of it and get to participate until everything is over.

I've planned out the gifts for all but three people on our list and bought most of them already. We got our tree today and decorated it tonight...topped off by a garish homemade star--the product of a leftover box, some acrylic paint, and gold glitter gel. John called it "classy." He's used that word to describe at least three other things today. I'm inclined to disbelieve.

The tree is really pretty though. A cute little fir of some kind with multi-colored lights and silver garland. And I have been happy today.

But mostly, lately, I'm living with a constant dull anger. I'm not saying I'm not depressed. I am. But. I also work retail.