i miss the bat rays.

I uploaded some pictures of my weekend. John and I went to SeaWorld to indulge our childish love of marine animals, especially large, blubbery mammals.

it's the little things.

I was late for work today because I couldn't shower. Our building was having plumbing problems. Again. Water/sewage came up from under the toilet and up the drain in the tub. It gurgled and bubbled all morning. Pretty gross stuff.

It's the second time this has happened, too. The last time, I felt really self conscious and washed my hair (and the rest of me) using the kitchen sink before anyone came to fix things. Today, we had last night's dirty dishes in the sink. Plus, more of the maintenance guys came and with more frequency than last time, so being naked in the kitchen might have been a little..."Inconvenient." They ended up turning the water off to the whole building anyway, because apparently when other people used their water it made my bathroom a bigger mess. The guys were all really nice though. And they cleaned my bathroom when everything was fixed. (So, except for missing a half a day of work, I came out sort of ahead.) One of them told me that we didn't have it nearly as bad as the people next door, whose apartment is right next to where there's a problem with the line.

I let, I think, six different men into my apartment today while I sat on the couch in my pajamas. Not my general practice.

It makes life seem so much better, in general, to go a day without running water. At least, when it seems like everything sucks, I can wash my hands.

ding dong.

The job situation is pretty much ironed out. I told the people at the new job I needed more than 20 hours a week or a higher pay rate per hour. They gave me both. Surprisingly.

So, the job that's been driving me crazy is ending on Saturday. I told my boss today.

I thought, I don't know, that it would be dramatic or something. Instead, it just sort of happened and now I've done it and I can't go back and add things in about how obnoxious my boss and his wife and son have been and I can't talk about how I've gotten, like, no respect. Because it's over now. And I was basically very nice. Nicer than I needed to be. Nice like the girl my parents raised.

Last night I dreamed I was in Arches National Park. John and I were there taking pictures of these crazy rock formations. Except, I've never actually been there, you know, while awake. We were basically walking around on a boardwalk with a metal railing and all the arches were lined up like croquet wickets below us.

After having dreams like that, I really want there to be a reason. An explanation. I want it to mean something, or say something, about who I am. If that's true, I don't get it.

i'm not happy.

The job prospect that I had lined up looks like it's only going to be part-time... So, I probably can't take it, after all. Even though I did work there on Monday. And am supposed to work there again this Monday. I just found out today, though, that they might not really need me as much as they thought. Hence the "20 Hours a Week" situation.

To which I must say: Ah, crap.

Not to mention, even at full time, it would involve a significant pay cut. Of course, I'm not totally sure I'm not going to go ahead with it anyway. It's not like I have any other plans.

In the mean time, the "we're eventually closing, someday, we promise" sale going on at my present job is causing a serious storage problem in my apartment. There are now books scattered on the counter, piled on the coffee table and my nightstand, and in stacks in front of the couch and our already-totally-full bookshelves.

And in case you're wondering, no, the surplus of books has not helped me to actually finish one. I've just started more. I have no self control.

sunny so. cal.

My new favorite thought is that I can control the weather with my subconscious. In fact, that is my super power. It started a couple of weeks ago when I was sick. I left work early and it rained all afternoon. So, instead of "food poisoning," which does not sound like anything that would happen in a comic book (or, in my case, a comic book movie), I think that period of sickness was my super power kicking in. You know, like Peter Parker getting sick after being bitten by that crazymutant spider then waking up as Spider-man the next day.

Anyway, yesterday was pretty awful. And today I drove to work in the rain. Thank you, Subconscious.

Rain, to borrow a metaphor from, well, everyone, is a spiritual cleansing for me. I can't hold on to horrible thoughts when it's raining. They're too slippery. And they slip right out of my hands, my mind.

I still don't feel so hot, though. I just don't feel so desperate and angry anymore. I am left with, however, the feeling that I must take action. If I knew what action I was supposed to take, I wouldn't have felt bad to begin with. It's all very frustrating.

The puddles were drying up, but as I write this I can hear the rain start again.