an open letter to jason lee.
Dear Jason Lee,
I've just gotten home from seeing Transformers. It was no where near as bad as I expected. It was a long, silly live-action cartoon of pretty ladies and big robots. Not exactly my cup of tea, but you have to understand that in the 1980's, as now, I was a girl. Until about five minutes before the previews started tonight, I thought Optimus Prime was a bad guy. Needless to say, I didn't watch the Transformers cartoon, and this is a little embarassing.
Changing the subject for a moment, Mr. Lee, do you remember that you ate at the Baja Fresh at Sunset and Vine during the opening weekend of Episode III? Well, I was there, too. My husband and I were there with our friends (Chris, Jennifer, and Greg), having a quick bite to eat before mingling with the Boba Fett and Chewy in the lobby of Arclight. You were there in your trendy clothes and weird Earl facial hair. And I was so excited to see you. Do you remember? Of course, I know you don't remember me, but do you at least remember owning a cool plaid shirt?
Mr. Lee, I first saw you in Dogma, because I didn't see Kevin Smith's movies in order. In college, I came to know you as Banky and Brodie, both of whom I found (and try to still find) adorable. I must tell you now, with love, that Brodie would be ashamed of you now.
Now, I'm not saying this to be hateful, I'm saying this as a sort of warning. You see, next month, a live-action movie of Underdog will be coming to theaters. And you are the voice of Underdog. Mr. Lee, surely you see that this was in bad form. I'm willing to cut you some slack, because you're much older than me and, in fact, new episodes of the original cartoon were still being made when you were a child. I'm sure you grew up on it. I'm sure it could've even been exciting for you to be his voice, in whatever dumb format Disney felt compelled (by what ridiculous force, only you and your ridiculous movie folk know) to create. But, I'm afraid I can only give you so much slack.
Before going into the theater this evening, my husband and I saw a huge, cardboard version of the movie poster for Alvin and the Chipmunks. Have you lost your mind?! How much money did they give you? Your face was over 3 feet tall, towering over the ugliest CG rodents I could've ever imagined!
Breckin Meyer, once known in my mind as the cute skater boy from Clueless, is dead to me now because of his offences against the cartoons of my youth. As is Matthew Broderick, for the same reason. I don't want you to be on that list! You're teetering on the edge! You're Brodie! Brodie would agree with me! You're destroying your reputation!
I swear to you, if I find out that you are somehow involved in a live-action My Little Pony movie, I'll track you down and beat you with a Rainbow Brite doll.
My final plea, Mr. Lee:
Stop ruining the cartoons of my childhood!
Thank you.
P.S. Stay away from the Care Bears, too.
I've just gotten home from seeing Transformers. It was no where near as bad as I expected. It was a long, silly live-action cartoon of pretty ladies and big robots. Not exactly my cup of tea, but you have to understand that in the 1980's, as now, I was a girl. Until about five minutes before the previews started tonight, I thought Optimus Prime was a bad guy. Needless to say, I didn't watch the Transformers cartoon, and this is a little embarassing.
Changing the subject for a moment, Mr. Lee, do you remember that you ate at the Baja Fresh at Sunset and Vine during the opening weekend of Episode III? Well, I was there, too. My husband and I were there with our friends (Chris, Jennifer, and Greg), having a quick bite to eat before mingling with the Boba Fett and Chewy in the lobby of Arclight. You were there in your trendy clothes and weird Earl facial hair. And I was so excited to see you. Do you remember? Of course, I know you don't remember me, but do you at least remember owning a cool plaid shirt?
Mr. Lee, I first saw you in Dogma, because I didn't see Kevin Smith's movies in order. In college, I came to know you as Banky and Brodie, both of whom I found (and try to still find) adorable. I must tell you now, with love, that Brodie would be ashamed of you now.
Now, I'm not saying this to be hateful, I'm saying this as a sort of warning. You see, next month, a live-action movie of Underdog will be coming to theaters. And you are the voice of Underdog. Mr. Lee, surely you see that this was in bad form. I'm willing to cut you some slack, because you're much older than me and, in fact, new episodes of the original cartoon were still being made when you were a child. I'm sure you grew up on it. I'm sure it could've even been exciting for you to be his voice, in whatever dumb format Disney felt compelled (by what ridiculous force, only you and your ridiculous movie folk know) to create. But, I'm afraid I can only give you so much slack.
Before going into the theater this evening, my husband and I saw a huge, cardboard version of the movie poster for Alvin and the Chipmunks. Have you lost your mind?! How much money did they give you? Your face was over 3 feet tall, towering over the ugliest CG rodents I could've ever imagined!
Breckin Meyer, once known in my mind as the cute skater boy from Clueless, is dead to me now because of his offences against the cartoons of my youth. As is Matthew Broderick, for the same reason. I don't want you to be on that list! You're teetering on the edge! You're Brodie! Brodie would agree with me! You're destroying your reputation!
I swear to you, if I find out that you are somehow involved in a live-action My Little Pony movie, I'll track you down and beat you with a Rainbow Brite doll.
My final plea, Mr. Lee:
Stop ruining the cartoons of my childhood!
Thank you.
P.S. Stay away from the Care Bears, too.
Labels: childhood., disney., movies., toys., tv.
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